And I thought smiles melted my heart...

Baby Noah had a rough night last night. He just couldn't settle every time we put him to bed. At one point Daddy took over to try and sooth and rock him to sleep land. He promised sweet dreams and a day full of fun when he woke up...but nothing was working. Then, Noah looked up - saw mommy and reached out for me. It was awesome and my heart melted. It's like validation for all the hard work we put in, he wanted me, his mommy.

Quiet Time

One of the new and unexpected parts of my day is quiet time. Noah, for about a week and some has been having morning naps which last anywheres past an hour. This was so unexpected a turn of events that I still haven't really decided what to do with my time. Living in a one bedroom condo and Noah being a "quiet" sleeper, I can't really do housework. Not that I am complaining. I have been forced to do things for me and it's real nice. I read my favorite blogs, catch up on FACEBOOK land, and have even read a few books. It's awesome! Not that it is draining being his mom, but it is pretty renewing and refreshing to have this time where I am not worrying about feeding, changing, cleaning or putting to sleep. It's kinda nice to have these moments to read the latest Stanford novel and think to myself, "I hate these books - why do I keep reading them."

Candee

PS...One of my favorite passtimes bb (before baby) was reading books, hating the endings and throwing the book when I finished it. That is not a metaphor or anything...I literally take great joy in throwing a stupid-ending book across the room. Ahhhh...it's good to have a little piece of me back.

Babbles, squeals and farts

He not only fits in his exersaucer, but loves it. Each day brings new and more fun exploring the bright and noisy gadgets. He stops, babbles, squeals and farts. Smiles - looking for mommy to smile back. Farts are funny, mommy always laughs at them.

Crying It Out

I have learnt a lot since becoming a mom and not all of it has to do with parenting. Right from when labour started there was a suttle shift in my perception of others and the choices they make. I used to have such strong opinions about everything and was rarely accepting of others if it differed from my own or what I deemed appropriate. Sounds mean I guess...but I kept it to myself for the most part - I rarely will challenge someone if I think they are wrong. Like alot of people, I will just think they are wrong and move on - naturally assuming all the while that I am right and they are wrong.

Labour changed that in me. I had (and still do to some extent) very strong feelings about how babies should be brought into this world and how much intervention is too much. In my opinion before - most intervention is too much. Having had a difficult labour which lasted just shy of 100 hours I had to make certain decisions that would allow me to continue. I had an epidural at around the 80 hour mark hoping that it would give me the strength to continue for the birth. I had sworn up and down that I would never have an epidural or drugs of any kind put in my body.

When I made my judgements, was I being naive? I like to think not - but obviously the situation we were in made me change my mind on a topic I felt/feel strongly about.

Today's Candace looks differently on these questions. Though my brain is quick to judge, my heart knows that each family must make the decisions that are right for them. I am proud of myself that I can now see that. Who am I to judge?

Time

One of the funniest and unexpected parts of motherhood is how busy I am. Yet if someone asks me what I have been up to, the answer is almost always ‘nothing.’ It’s not that I do nothing…I guess it is more that I don’t think the real answer will be very interesting. I play with my son. We sing, dance, exercise (him, not me!), play, sleep, eat and so on.

I find it a very simple happiness to watch him develop new skills. Currently he is discovering his feet and I can and have watched him play for hours.

We have company now, my mother and sister and law and so after nursing they take Noah and visit. Not only do I feel a sense of emptiness, but I am lonely and bored as hell! So weird. My house is clean though and dinner is fun to make with no distractions, but oddly – I sometimes hope that he will have a meltdown and need his mommy so I can take him back.

Love

I’ve known love. All my life I have known love. But to know love as a parent is something so different and all consuming that it makes me lose my breath. I stare at my baby boy and think no one could love as much as this, right now. How many millions of parents have thought this exact same thing?

I get it now. I understand.

I cherish the few moments I get to myself each day – but even as the steaming hot shower beats down on me, I am thinking of my precious baby.

In the wee hours of the night I run through our day. Was he happy? What can I do better tomorrow?

The secret about smiles.

As soon as your baby smiles at you, all the frustration, fatigue and any other negative emotions you might be feeling just vanish.

At the first hint of a smile, I was the first to say it was just gas. I was doing myself and Noah an injustice. It was at least a week before my tired eyes started to connect that he smiled in response to what mommy was doing. I was ecstatic. I was instantly renewed.

Between feedings, Noah is most often awake. He is not a sleepy newborn. Before we discovered smiles – this time was often spent in frustration. Mommy trying to get baby to sleep, baby crying because he didn’t want to sleep. The end result was generally mommy and baby staring at each other and stuck in an old western styled showdown. Mommy usually lost. I hadn’t quite learnt that you can’t make a baby sleepy.

Smiles changed everything. Awake time is spent having tons of fun and trying to think of new ways to get the baby smiling. I have quickly learnt that you can sing about anything, including poopy diapers and the baby loves it!

Noah has moved on to learning to use his little voice. He is starting to coo and gurgle and squeal and I am as enchanted as I am with his smiles.

Noah's Birth Story

I don’t know where to start it has been so long. I have been very busy…kinda…I will get into that later. We obviously welcomed our son, Noah, into the world on February 11, 2010. That day is special because it is also Grandma Alice’s birthday.

Here is a quick recap of my labour experience. On Sunday (the 7^th) night we watched the Hangover with mom. It is so funny and we were all laughing like mad and I started to feel “funny”. Sure enough I had some tell tale labour signs right away and contractions started within a couple of hours. I kept looking at all my books…they all said to keep busy and ignore early labour. Problem was it was so painful already that there was no way to ignore it! The contractions were 10 minutes apart right from the beginning.

The day passed and the contractions got longer and closer together. At around 5 pm the decision was made to go to the hospital. Almost immediately the contractions slowed right down from 3-4 minutes to back around 10. We assumed that it was because I was so scared to the hospital. We got checked at the hospital and I was only 2 cm’s so I asked to go home and they obliged.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday – all the same. It was the weirdest actually. The contractions stayed at 10 minutes apart consistently and hurt so much. The only break was for a couple of hours on Tuesday. Tim called Joanna – the doula we had come to know and we started talking about our options. None were that great.

The worst part really was that we had our whole support team there – mom, dad and Karen and we were all just sitting around waiting, waiting, waiting. Oh and listening to me howl, literally.

Thursday early morning I officially reached my pain level. We went to the hospital and I was barely 4 cm’s. Ahhhh!!!!! At that point I had laboured at home for over 70 hours and technically it didn’t even count?!? Too bad – I was counting it anyways.

The baby was sunny side up, presenting with the widest part of his crown. This explained not only the length of labour so far but also the pain factor!!! I was put on pitocin to get things along and was on it for about 20 hours. Among other things, they said he was stuck. I don’t believe he was stuck – but I do think that we had to make the decision we did.

I could go on with a million details about the last few hours before Noah’s birth – but I don’t want to and I am sure you don’t care to hear it all. Suffice it to say it was unpleasant to say the least. It was everything I feared and more, plus some. I thank God every day that Tim and mom were there to help me come to grips with what happened.

After all that – my baby was here! The only thing I saw after the operation was his lips…weird I know but it was all I could see and I clung to image until I could see him again…which took a little over 2 hours.

He was so strong through it all. His heartbeat stayed strong and he was beautiful at birth. He might have had a bit of a misshapen head from hanging low way too long…but he was beautiful just the same.

I waited 9 months to meet my little man. I had so many ideas about him, what he was going to look like and about his little personality, about how I was going to be as his mom and most certainly about how I was going to welcome him into this world. God had different plans than I did and it was a reminder that I can’t plan everything, that something bigger than me already had a plan.

I’ll be back soon.

Noah's Birth Story

Ready or not...

So, week 39 has come and is quickly passing! What a week it has been. I had my regular doctors appointment yesterday morning and it led to a crazy, emotional day. The Dr. thought the baby turned breech. The heartbeat was in a much different spot, she couldn't feel the head and the shape and feel of my stomach had greatly changed. Being a first time mom - when she voiced her concerns I immediately told her that the baby had moved the day before and it was quite painful.

You may guess where this led. I got the talk re: cesarean. Are you kidding me? After everything - to be having that discussion - while Tim wasn't even there - was blowing my mind. I was told that there would be an emergency ultrasound to determine position but to start thinking about my options. Options included booking a date for surgery, trying to turn the baby manually and/or attempting to deliver breech IF one of 2 Dr's who can deliver breech babies happened to be working that day.

I left in a daze. I didn't want to freak out because part of me thought she might be wrong, that I would know if the baby had moved that much! Regardless, telling Tim what took so long proved to be quite emotional. He just held my hand and assured me that we would get through this, just like everything else. Then we were silent for hours as we waited for the ultrasound.

30 seconds into the ultrasound I saw the telltale round skull when the tech was scanning down low. The sigh of relief was audible. Once the tech finished, Tim was brought in and he was equally relieved when he saw my face. Crisis averted.

Other than that craziness, I feel great. Taking the time off work has been awesome! I have time to do little projects and get in lots of naps. I hear they are harder to come by once kids enter the picture.

Later gators!

Long Overdue!

Many months ago I talked about the nursery and all the hard work we put into it. I was going to post photo’s – but unfortunately our cord that connects the camera to the computer broke. A friend came through with a cord last week (by chance she had the same camera – which broke, but she never threw out the cord) so here we are.

I’ll just post the photos, hopefully in order and you can enjoy!

I'll be back tomorrow with an update...I see the doc in the morning so I figured I would wait in case she has anything interesting to say.

Candee

Week 38

Middle of the night pee breaks: 4-5: every 2 hours
Pounds Gained: 0 (3^rd week with no gain, woot woot!)
Blood Pressure: 120/80 Been the exact same measurement at every appointment
General Disposition: Definitely crabbier
Major Cravings: Sausage: Why do I keep craving meat???
# Items left to do on "List of things to do before baby comes": Very few…
# times I have cried this week: 0
Tums consumed in one day: at least 10

So what’s new? A lot! We are officially term and can have this baby any day now. This thought really helped us get the rest of our ‘to do’ list done. We even packed the baby’s bag for the hospital last night. Okay – mine isn’t done yet, but I don’t have cute little outfits with matching hats that are fun to fold, re-fold and fold again until they sit just right on the bottom of the diaper bag. If only I was kidding.

Baby is doing great. Heartbeat is good and actually the doctor commented last week that she thinks the baby is going to be a big one! Not surprising to me or anyone I tell really – especially considering how enormous I am (if you love me, you will tell me it’s all belly).

I am doing so so. I am officially over my happy go lucky pregnant lady routine. I am so swollen I don’t recognize my legs or feet. I ache…literally. Both wrist have carpel tunnel, both hips are so loose that when I stand up I have to rest for a minute to give them time to adjust so I can walk, and the legs…don’t even get me started. Okay – done complaining. I slather myself in oils, take baths and try to rest up (Tim might disagree with that last statement).

Okay, but for one second can we please talk about how excited I am!?! Our baby is coming soon!!!!!!!!

We did the first part of our birthing class last weekend and have the follow up end of course this Sunday. We were a bit worried about the course (it’s pretty hippy dippie) – but in the end could not be happier about how it turned out. Tim and I are doing all we can for a natural, undedicated childbirth and this course has already helped prepare us.

Don’t know when I will be back…but I will.

Until then,

Candee and Baby

Where have I been?

I have been away from blog land for some time now. I have a lot of excuses and thankfully they are pretty legitimate. Our computer had some parts break which made it inoperable – so we had to order some from Dell which took some time. Secondly and more importantly, our dog Princess became very ill. We noticed she was not herself last Monday and called the vet. They could not see her until the next day – but we didn’t worry too much. Things went downhill very quickly from that point on.

Besides signs of depression and no appetite, Princess was vomiting profusely and had constant diarrhea. Part of the major concern was that they were both very bloody. They started a series of tests which included blood work and x-rays. She was hospitalized for several days and was on IV fluids and antibiotics. At first they were concerned that she has swallowed a foreign object – but the blood tests showed that she had hemorrhagic gastroenteritis. That is a fancy way of saying the above was caused by a bacteria. Thankfully we had her in to the vet right away because she could have gone into shock and had a much worse outcome.

Though she was hospitalized during the day – we had the option of watching her ourselves at night instead of admitting her to the emergency hospital for night care. As worried as we were – I decided to take over her “nursing”. It was hard because we had to water her from a syringe and forget eating. She was still…ummmm….expelling at both ends. I slept on the couch and woke up when she got sick to comfort her and try to clean the mess (which was insane!!!).

After she came home she was put on several different antibiotics. It took about 3 days to get her to eat her own food again (I think she was scared it would come back out so violently). Also, the vet had suggested scramble eggs until her stomach was fully settled. I think Princess got really used to the eggs. She could eat 3 in one sitting!

Needless to say, Princess is doing so much better. She has her spirit back – which also means she is back to causing trouble! Although she is much skinnier than we like – which is hard considering she was only 10 pounds to begin with – she is doing great! We rented a carpet cleaner and Tim was so great to clean the carpets…several times each! He also got down on hands and knees to scrub the floors. So our house is now illness free.

I’ll be back this afternoon with a mommy and baby post!

Candee

Week 36 Update

This has been a great week! Check out these stats…

Middle of the night pee breaks: 3-4, usually every 2.5 hours or so
Pounds Gained: 0 (Thank the Lord! Say it with me people!)
Blood Pressure: Good
General Disposition: Depends who is talking to me
Major Cravings: None
# Items left to do on "List of things to do before baby comes": 10-15
# times I have cried this week: 1
Steps to getting out of bed at night: down from 12 to maybe 3 and no “ouches”
Tums consumed in one day: at least 5

So what’s new? A lot! I had a baby shower on Sunday and it was super fun. Everyone was so generous and the baby (and Mommy and Daddy) totally got spoiled. On Monday Tim and I did some shopping for some last minute items that we’ll need incase the baby comes. We also finally got our car seat and stroller after months of my indecision. The trick is to bring a man with you.

Then I find out that the stroller is a traditional gift by the Cox Aunts, Uncles and Dad and Karen. I didn’t believe it at first – too good to be true and all that – but Dad called and confirmed! So I was very happy and my week of feeling so blessed continued…

The baby is big now…probably measuring over the 6 pound mark and still around 20 inches long. That’s like a real little baby! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! As you can probably tell – I (we) are getting real excited to meet our little one. Most everything I think, say or do somehow relates back to the baby. I am sure my pod mates are ready for me to start mat leave already.

I feel great. I am still tired but I am using up my holidays at work and that has been helping a bit. Afternoons are the worst. Not only do I have to stay awake at work – but I have to try and be productive! Speaking of which…I should go.

Be back soon,
Candee and Baby